The Strong-willed Adult: An adult whose determination is unmatched; still superseding boundaries, however, hopefully with more wisdom than that of the strong-willed child.
Hello. My name is Lahni, and I am a strong-willed adult. I like to succeed in what I put my efforts into. I think we all do. Yet, it wasn’t until I became a wife and mother that I recognized the strength of a will. Most have heard the term “strong-willed child,” but few have heard about the “strong-willed adult.” As a young, childless mother, I did not believe in such a thing as the strong-willed child. As a young mother of one, I still believed the strong-willed child was somewhat of a myth. Then it happened. God blew every theory I had about such things right out of the water. He blessed me with a very, very, VERY strong-willed child.
This child destroyed every boundary I had in place. They pulverized every parenting trick I had acquired thus far. I had no idea what I was doing, or honestly, what I was going to do with this child. Nothing I did was working. NOTHING! In fact, it was getting worse. I was sure that Super Nanny was going to knock on my door at any moment! Not only was my parenting challenge increasing, but there seemed to be a relational wall being built between my child and me. I was doomed. My child was doomed. Our family was doomed! (Insert slight dramatic tone) All because I had no clue how to parent this child, or any child at all as it felt by this point. (We had 3 at the time.) This was my breaking point. That night I went in, knelt down beside my sleeping child’s bed, and just started crying. Then I started praying. Actually, it was more like yelling. I didn’t understand why in the world God would entrust me with this child. I was unqualified, and unprepared. As I was venting all my worry, anger, and frustration, my prayers began turning to pleas. Pleas for my child, for my children; for our family. Then something amazing happened. God began to download strength, confidence, peace and grace. That night, God brought to my attention that my child might not be the only one with a strong will in our family.
I lifted my head, and for the first time not only did I believe I could do this, but I was going to do this. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! I was going to out-will my child. I was going to raise this child with strength, confidence, peace and grace. So, that’s what we did, and that’s what we’re continuing to do with all 6.
God has taught me more through parenting these children than I have time to explain. He has shown me the good, bad, and even ugly about myself, and has used parenting to rub off a lot of rough edges. Most importantly, He has shown me that the will I wanted so desperately to tame and remove from my child, was the same will He gave and equipped my child with. My job was never to strip away, but to guide and nurture what God had given. In teaching my kids how to submit their wills, without crushing their spirits, I found myself learning the same lesson - submit the will when necessary, but focus and channel that fire to do great things!
A lot has happened since the night I came undone in my child’s room. My child’s determination is still in tact, as is mine. We butt heads at times (Probably because we are so similar), but we are closer than I could have ever hoped for. I love my children, but I now have a deep appreciation for them also. I appreciate who God has making them to be, and I appreciate how God is shaping me in the process. I am still perfecting the balance between Mary Poppins and GI Jane daily. And though I am no expert, I am fairly certain that with God’s help, I can handle anything after surviving toddlerhood with a strong-willed child. After all, I am a strong-willed adult! So, instead of feeling like I’m unqualified, I’ve taken on life with the attitude of “Come at me, Bro!” Ladies, we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for sometimes. So, I encourage you to dig down deep, find your strength, and embrace life with all its challenges. You got this!
Until next time, Beautiful.
