Adoption: A Total Game-Changer!

       I am a Mexican woman with a Caucasian twist. I guess that would be, what? A Mexicasian? YES! LOL! However, I didn't grow up speaking Spanish, or eating Latin inspired dishes very often. I didn't appreciate my tan skin, and wished for blonde hair and lighter skin like everyone else I knew. I grew up in a very southern and loving family. I didn't know what a tamale was, but I knew what grits were and loved them! Growing up, I had questions about my past, and also about my present. I was frustrated at the fact that my DNA matched no one I called family, and couldn't quite understand why I felt as if something wasn't quite fitting.

My Family

       See, I was born in Texas to a young woman who was scared to death, and a young man who had no clue. They parted ways, and somehow I ended up at a grandmother's house. Thanks to Grandma I was fed, clothed, and cared for, so much so that she was able to come to the wise conclusion that I needed more care than she could give. A couple in Florida heard through friends and family that there was little girl in Texas that needed a home. After much thought, they decided that they were that family. They adopted me as their own. They welcomed me in with abandon, saw to it that I always knew my story, and encouraged me to embrace it. They celebrated adoption, and put no boundaries on the definition of family. Later, I found out that my mother had kept in touch with that grandmother I mentioned for all that time! She was letting her know that she had made the right choice, and that I was loved. I would even write to her on occasion. From the moment she placed me into my mother's arms until she breathed her last breath, she knew I was loved, and that God had very special plans for my life. She was right. He did.

My Man

My Babies

       God used adoption as a major game-changer for me. I now have a family of my own, I have been married to an amazing man going on 18 years, we have 6 awesome children, I speak a little Spanglish, and love me some Mexican food! Oh! And those questions of belonging I had struggled with for so long? I found my biological parents, and all my questions were answered. I hung up the phone knowing exactly where I belonged - I had been there all along.
       Life doesn't always go the way we plan, but I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that my journey involved a family in Florida with a heart big enough for me, and an elderly woman with wisdom and strength. I'm thankful that God always draws out the best from what seems to be a bad situation. He's good like that. I'm looking towards the future with anticipation. My hope is secured, and I can't wait to see what's in store! Let's embrace the journey! Whether you're a Mexicasian like me, or some other blend of wonderful, may we walk with our heads held high. We are His masterpiece, after all!

Happy National Adoption Month, Beautiful!

Motherhood can be a "Mother"

       Twelve years ago I thought it would be fun to have a kid. What I didn't know was that having that kid would begin the process of turning me into a mother. Then I thought it would be exciting to have another. Maybe they could keep each other busy, hence making my job easier. LOL! I know, I know, I was young. I quickly realized that motherhood should come with a giant "CAUTION" sign. Motherhood is no joke, and is not for weak or wimpy human beings! As I blabbed on about my musings and philosophies on parenting to all the seasoned mothers I know, they listened attentively whilst internally snickering at my induction into the motherhood club.

       I babysat many children as a teen, but there is no amount of babysitting that could have prepared me for my adventure in parenting. No amount of classes or advice could have guided me in the big decisions I would have to make on my child's behalf. No amount of training or mental preparation could have fashioned me for head to head combat with a strong-willed toddler. Let's be honest, motherhood can be a MOTHER! It is the absolute greatest thing in the world, but it takes a strong woman to raise strong children. As I sit here thinking about all of the blood, sweat, and tears that go into training and equipping these tiny humans, I am literally laughing out loud. Yes, I said blood. There is blood, bruises, and sometimes internal injuries that come with this job. I have been hit in the eyeball with a Woody doll, my face has collided with heads on many occasions resulting in bloody noses or black eyes, and I have flown threw the air like a stunt double to catch a falling kid ending in trips to the orthopedic's office. Then there are the flips on the trampoline that don't go as planned, the cartwheels that aren't as easy as they once were, and the God awful slip-n-slide. I hate that thing! I'm pretty sure I cracked a rib trying to "show them how it's done." However, that's all physical pain. Then there is the emotional pain. This is so much worse. It's the pain you feel when your child is in pain. When they come home and tell you that they have no friends, or worse, that they were not only the last pick, but that they were made fun of for not being any good at the game. Cue Mama Bear! On the inside you want to know the names and addresses of every single one of those little..., but on the outside you show compassion in the moment, and turn the moment into a teachable one. Then there are the moments your child loses a loved one, gets dumped, or loses all faith in themselves. Nothing prepares us to handle these moments except walking through them, and learning for the next time. The struggle is real!

       Conversely, motherhood can be the most joyful, satisfying journey ever known. When you witness your child ride off on his two wheeler for the first time, or when they grasp a concept that they've been struggling to get. When they make the right choice when their character is tested, or show an act of kindness without being prompted. Even a simple "thank you" or "I love you" can reaffirm your ability as a mother. In that moment you realize they are going to be ok, and that you haven't screwed them up or failed them. I look forward to the day when I launch them into adulthood, and they can walk in who they are and what they're made of. I also look forward to offering advice and encouragement as they pursue their own journeys. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I can't wait to hear all of their own ideas about marriage and parenting, but I can't wait for the day when they experience this joy for themselves. Until then I will continue to embrace the fire, sculpting, and the making of a mother that I am undergoing in this season. I appreciate the honor of raising the six kids that we have been entrusted, and will do whatever I can not to screw it up! 

       Motherhood can definitely be a "Mother," but it is the best job in the world. Whether you are a mother, young or seasoned, a woman longing to become a mother, or a woman who has her eyes set on different sights, I wish you well on your journey and all your adventures. May you give and receive grace where it's needed, and laugh when it's necessary! 

Until next time, Beautiful!

P.S. In case you were wondering, she had fun taking that pic with me. Lol! 
PC: Corinne Schultz-age 8

The Summer of 34

     This past Spring I turned 34. I don't feel 34! Though, many times over my body rudely reminds me that I am a 34 year old woman who has grown and birthed 6 kids. This may sound ridiculous, but my body has not bounced back like the body of the 31 year old mother of 5 I once was. The half marathon I'm currently training for lets me know it with each strike of the pavement. However, my mind and soul affirm me as I note the positive changes that have taken place over the last decade. Especially over this past Summer...
Age Matters, BUT Doesn't Define 
       I used to be afraid of getting old. Now, I am not afraid of aging as much as I am afraid of wasting time. Age is a rite of passage that we have the privilege of celebrating each year. It doesn't limit us by definition. Instead it opens a gateway to a limitless arena of experience and wisdom. Sure, our bodies may change over time, but we have the opportunity to embrace each new season with zeal!
Balance Is Overrated 

Rest is not laziness. Laziness is laziness.

       One of the bigger lightbulbs that went off in our home this Summer was that balance isn't that healthy after all. To try to put our energy and efforts into everything we do, or want to do, evenly across the board is impossible! Not to mention exhausting. As we were killing ourselves trying to balance everything we had on our plate, we realized that each SEASON calls for something different. We decided first to recognize the season we are in, and then to channel our efforts accordingly. This means that things and/or certain routines may not work like they once did. Or that priorities might need to shift to focus on something or someone a little more intently right now. That's ok! It's ok to admit some things that once worked well just aren't jiving any longer. Drop that plate and move on!

The Present Has No Pause Button

       Goals are a must. We need to have a target to shoot at when moving forward. I get that! However, the present is what's happening now. So, stop waiting until you've dieted for next year's bikini season, or checked off the list of all the things you wanted to change or do. Don't wait for the day when everything is just as you planned or you will miss out on all the great things that are happening around you now. Start taking steps in the direction of your goals, throw on that bikini in the mean time, and have some fun!
 Let What You Do Reflect Who You Are
       Who you are is amazing. You are unlike anyone else, and honestly I think that is awesome! After 34 years of life I am finally settling into who I am with confidence. I am ok with not being a super mom, or a super model. I am proud of where I am, and am secure in knowing where I am going. I am grateful for my great days, and grateful for grace on my bad ones. I am confident wearing a bikini that bears my scars from growing six children, and I appreciate the honor I had of doing so. I pursue excellence, but I loathe perfection. I choose to dream big, but hold those dreams loosely. I walk with my head up because I know who I am, and I want all that I do to reflect that.

Our present, and our future

       My husband and I are raising six children who we believe will change the world as they grow and blossom into the beings that their Maker has created them to be. We have 3 boys and 3 girls. We want them to see strong faith-filled and grace-filled parents who love them and who loves others. We are raising them to believe that they can do and accomplish great things. We live life where "the box" doesn't exist. We pursue greatness (not perfection) every day, and we encourage not only our children, but others around us to do the same. We try to model this so that they can see what that looks like. The Summer of 34 has been busy, exciting, and enlightening to say the least. I'm looking forward to the Summer of 35, and many to follow! I hope this season is treating you well, and as you make your way into the next, may you live well and finish strong!

Until next time, Beautiful.

Peace out, Summer!

   

"_________ Ever After..."

       This is us. Not the awesome new tv show, but us, Erich and Lahni. This picture was our beginning as husband and wife, and it describes us perfectly. What it doesn't show is the immense payback this man received shortly after this photo was taken. That's right, I DID get him back. Let's just say a napkin didn't cut it for him. However, before we move on to the Ever After part, let me back up to give you a brief rundown of the beginning.
       He was 20 and I was 17. (Yes, we were young, and no, I wasn't pregnant. Just throwing that out there.) We got married at 8:00 on a Thursday night. I was in a red tropical sundress, and he wore a pair of red board shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. We sent out an open invitation to everyone we knew, but expected a very small showing. (Come on, it was a Thursday night!) Instead, it was standing room only! We had cake (as you saw), fruit salad, and some fruit punch. The cost of our wedding was a whopping $350. Afterwards we went home, and did what any other young couple would do - ordered pizza, and ripped open our wedding presents of course! The next morning we took off to Costa Rica. We were young, in love, and did whatever we wanted.
       Fastforward through a handful of crazy years. I can say fast forward now, but during those years it was as if life was stuck in slow motion. Anyone who has gone through tough times knows exactly what I'm talking about. Though the details vary, every journey has its challenges. As for those two crazy kids? We grew up, got it together, and found out we were expecting our first child. Which at the time I was convinced was to be our only child. Yeah, I know.

Admit it, there are days!

       To date, it's been 17 years since I said, "I do," 12 years since I found out we were expecting our 1st, and 16 months since the delivery of our 6th. A lot of life has happened since we began our Ever After adventure, and we are looking forward to much more. It hasn't all been rainbows and unicorns, and I know our future holds real life issues as well, and I'm ok with that. If I think back to the times in our lives when we have grown the most, it hasn't been in the easiest or happiest of times. If we're honest, sometimes the more painful parts of life produce the most growth. As we come through the trials that life sometimes throws at us, the hope is to be stronger because of it. Thus making the next battle a bit easier, or perhaps at least bearable. He has an amazing life planned for you! So, don't let the hardships that happen keep you from living it!

        After all, Ever After is not some end all that occurs once true love and happiness are achieved. It's happening right now, whatever season you might be in. So, the question is, what does that look like? What do you want it to look like? You fill in the blank. We asked ourselves this years ago, and we didn't like the answer. So, do you know what we did? we changed it. It took effort, time, and LOTS of prayer, but it happened. Now, I have more than one blank. I think about this often, and I love words, so I like to change it up daily! (Just ask the husband.) But enough of my story, go write yours! Whichever Ever After journey you're on, may you pursue it wisely, grip it strongly, and enjoy it happily. We only get one life here. Let's make it count!

Until next time, Beautiful.

A couple that preaches together...well, learns a lot!

Our story continues...

Strong-Willed And Loving It

The Strong-willed Child: A child whose determination supersedes the boundaries of logic, obedience, or safety. 

The Strong-willed Adult: An adult whose determination is unmatched; still superseding boundaries, however, hopefully with more wisdom than that of the strong-willed child. 

       Hello. My name is Lahni, and I am a strong-willed adult. I like to succeed in what I put my efforts into. I think we all do. Yet, it wasn’t until I became a wife and mother that I recognized the strength of a will. Most have heard the term “strong-willed child,” but few have heard about the “strong-willed adult.” As a young, childless mother, I did not believe in such a thing as the strong-willed child. As a young mother of one, I still believed the strong-willed child was somewhat of a myth. Then it happened. God blew every theory I had about such things right out of the water. He blessed me with a very, very, VERY strong-willed child. 

       This child destroyed every boundary I had in place. They pulverized every parenting trick I had acquired thus far. I had no idea what I was doing, or honestly, what I was going to do with this child. Nothing I did was working. NOTHING! In fact, it was getting worse. I was sure that Super Nanny was going to knock on my door at any moment! Not only was my parenting challenge increasing, but there seemed to be a relational wall being built between my child and me. I was doomed. My child was doomed. Our family was doomed! (Insert slight dramatic tone) All because I had no clue how to parent this child, or any child at all as it felt by this point. (We had 3 at the time.) This was my breaking point. That night I went in, knelt down beside my sleeping child’s bed, and just started crying. Then I started praying. Actually, it was more like yelling. I didn’t understand why in the world God would entrust me with this child. I was unqualified, and unprepared. As I was venting all my worry, anger, and frustration, my prayers began turning to pleas. Pleas for my child, for my children; for our family. Then something amazing happened. God began to download strength, confidence, peace and grace. That night, God brought to my attention that my child might not be the only one with a strong will in our family.

       I lifted my head, and for the first time not only did I believe I could do this, but I was going to do this. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! I was going to out-will my child. I was going to raise this child with strength, confidence, peace and grace. So, that’s what we did, and that’s what we’re continuing to do with all 6. 

       God has taught me more through parenting these children than I have time to explain. He has shown me the good, bad, and even ugly about myself, and has used parenting to rub off a lot of rough edges. Most importantly, He has shown me that the will I wanted so desperately to tame and remove from my child, was the same will He gave and equipped my child with. My job was never to strip away, but to guide and nurture what God had given. In teaching my kids how to submit their wills, without crushing their spirits, I found myself learning the same lesson - submit the will when necessary, but focus and channel that fire to do great things! 

       A lot has happened since the night I came undone in my child’s room. My child’s determination is still in tact, as is mine. We butt heads at times (Probably because we are so similar), but we are closer than I could have ever hoped for. I love my children, but I now have a deep appreciation for them also. I appreciate who God has making them to be, and I appreciate how God is shaping me in the process. I am still perfecting the balance between Mary Poppins and GI Jane daily. And though I am no expert, I am fairly certain that with God’s help, I can handle anything after surviving toddlerhood with a strong-willed child. After all, I am a strong-willed adult! So, instead of feeling like I’m unqualified, I’ve taken on life with the attitude of “Come at me, Bro!” Ladies, we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for sometimes. So, I encourage you to dig down deep, find your strength, and embrace life with all its challenges. You got this!

Until next time, Beautiful.

SO Worth It!

       Have you ever gone through something that felt like absolute hell, but once you're on the other side of it you know that it was SO worth it? I have. I can think of many things that I fought my way through only to say those words. You can too, I'm sure. We can recall that moment when we realize that the feat outweighs the fight.

       One day, I was standing in my kitchen, and my oldest daughter came running in and held on to my waist so tightly that I almost couldn't breathe. As I embraced her, this feeling of love and gratitude flooded my heart to the point that it started pouring out of my eyes. I looked down at her remembering the all-day sickness that I had endured for the first five months of pregnancy, the bedrest, the scares of miscarriage, and the anxiety about my first natural birth. Then, in the same moment the words, "YOU ARE SO WORTH IT" replaced all of that. (Then the tears were ridiculous!) See, pregnancy was one of those "feat vs. fight" things for me. I love kids! However, I am not a fan of growing them in the first nine months. Quite frankly, I'm pretty sure that pregnancy hates me. The miracle that's taking place inside of my body feels more like an alien taking over my existence! I'm moody, I'm sick, I get bloated and fat, I'm tired, and the list goes on and on. HOWEVER, there are five points of pregnancy that I completely love- peeing on the stick and watching that second line appear, the day I can eat food again after barfing all day every day for the first five months, baby's first movements, finding out gender, and my absolute fave, delivery! Delivery day is the best because, though I know what's coming, I know what's coming! This is the moment that resolves the previous nine months. This is the moment that makes all the hardship SO worth it. This is the feat that outweighs the fight.
       Something else happened in that moment when my daughter hugged me. I thought about God, His perception of me, and how He gave His son, Jesus, to redeem me. I wondered if he thought that I was worth the fight. If He felt the same way about me that I felt in that overwhelming moment about my own daughter. The very second those thoughts left me I felt Him speak these five words, "YOU ARE SO WORTH IT."
       The days I screw up royally, I hold tight to these words. The days I feel victorious, I hold tight to these words. Grace is giving someone who is underserving something they don't deserve. That's what God gives us - His Grace. He doesn't change his opinion based on what we do, or don't do. He never says, "Today you're not really worth it." NEVER!
       Today is my daughter's birthday. She is 8 years old. I am teaching her to walk in grace with her head held high because she IS and ALWAYS will be worth it! Not only in my eyes and my husband's, but in God's eyes. It is hard to overcome the bad days sometimes, but let us live in that place of worth and grace, and model such assurance for those around us. Because YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!

Until next time, Beautiful.

       

Tackle Your Dreams

       This is it. This was my dream. He was, and is, my dream. I met him when I was 12. Actually, the first time I met him I was like, "No way." HOWEVER, a year later I saw him for the second time, and let's just say, my reaction was NOT like my first. I tried everything to get his attention, but to no avail. Until one day, when he realized what I had known all along- that I'm awesome, and he can't live without me!
       By that point I considered myself somewhat of an expert on love. After all, I had watched all the movies, and had all the right songs on repeat. Young, crazy, and in love, we decided to get married. At 17 and 20 we tied the knot, took off to Costa Rica, and lived happily ever after. NOT! Shortly after we got back, we waited for our fairytale to unfold. However, instead of a love unfolding, it was more of a life unraveling. This was not a dream come true at all! This was a nightmare! Let's skip forward about 5 years. After waiting for our dreams to find us (which they didn't), we found out that the only chance we had at achieving any kind of dreamy marriage was to make it happen. So, we did! Now, 17 years later, we have 6 kids, and we are building the happiest ever after imaginable!
       I believe we need to "dare to dream," and even "chase our dreams," but I also believe that sometimes we just need to tackle our dreams. I mean, like an angry linebacker in the super bowl kind of tackle! Chase that dream down like you're on an episode of "COPS," and tackle that sucker! Dreams don't come true without a little (or a lot) of pursuit. So, go get it, girl!
       Honestly, I have had many dreams come true, but I've also had many crash and burn. So, I understand not all dreams are in the realm of possibilities. Although I believe many are. Or at least a version of them. For example, we might not be able to become instant millionaires, but we can pay off debts, and save. We might not be able to erase our pasts, but we have the power to change our futures. What are your dreams? A happily ever after? A better job, or promotion? What about travel, or relocating? God has dreams for each and every one of us, and with a little faith, courage, and pursuit such dreams can become reality. It might not be easy, but it's possible.
       You might be thinking, " Well, what about the dreams that are out of my control?" To that I say, there are dreams that can be achieved by pursuit, and then there are dreams that, at best, become prayers. Such circumstances are out of our control. What is in our control is the ability to make sure that the child with no tomorrow has a great today, or the loved one who struggles day in and day out knows that they are loved. Like I said, some dreams may not come to pass, but we can aim high knowing that we took a shot.
       When my husband and I realized that our dreams were within reach, we started tackling those things left and right. Some we had to let go of, and God has given grace in those areas even replacing previous dreams with new ones. Some dreams are still in the making, and we continue to move towards them. No dream is ever too big, or too small. So, take heart, keep dreaming, and tackle your dreams! May God give grace where it's needed, and the strength to take on the mighty and wonderful things He has for you!

Until next time, Beautiful.

Moms Have the Power to Change the World

       Moms are very powerful creatures. Every life begins with a mom. The moments that follow vary from being to being, but we all have the same beginning. I don't know much about the immediate moments after my beginning. I don't know if the woman who brought me into this world held me, kissed me, changed diapers, or dreamed of my future. What I do know, is that with the help of another mother, I was found a family; I was found a mom.
       There is more to moms than the ability to birth a child. We know that. However, sometimes I'm not sure we realize the power a mom has. Moms care for their children. They feed them, they bathe them, they change them, they love them. Life is only sustained in the early years by such care from another human being. That is huge, but what I'm referring to is much larger than even that. Moms have the power to lift the human soul, or crush the inward spirit. They have the ability to bring stability and security, or uncertainty and shame. Over the course of a childhood, they have the influence to shape another human being. Moms have the power to shift and sculpt entire generations, thus having the power to change the world.

For the moms of generations past...

       We don't all have to be moms to know the power of one. We've all known one at one time or another. Most of us know that blood doesn't make a mother. We further know, that regardless of what our moms did, or didn't do, they've impacted our lives, and in doing so, have indirectly impacted the lives of those around us.
       Some of you may have never known your mom. Some may have had your mom taken too soon. For this, I'm sorry. For some, dad has been "mom" in your lives. To this, I say, "Well done, Dad! This applies to you!" Whether you had a great mom, or one that you strive not to become, they played a part in who you will be. We all carry scars and scrapes from our pasts, but we don't have to repeat them. Let's grab onto grace, hold tight to truth, and look to a beautiful tomorrow!

...the moms of the future...

       Like I said, I was found a mom. She is the one who held me, kissed me, changed diapers, and continues to dream of my future. She might not have been at my beginning, but she gave me life. She changed my world, and the worlds of my children. God used her to change my course, and for that, there will always be a special place in my heart for her. She isn't perfect, but that's ok. Perfection isn't a qualification for being a mom, thankfully! She took what she could from her mom, who learned what she could from hers, and so forth. That's all any of us can do. We learn, we grow, and do the very best we can to love and lead our families.
       Moms have the power to change the world. May we recognize it, and use our power wisely! To the moms who have gone before us, the moms who have gone ahead of us, and to us moms in the making, Happy Mother's Day!

Until next time, Beautiful.

 ...the moms God gave us...

...and the dads who step in for the moms who've gone ahead.

Laugh It Off!

       When someone hurts themselves, gets hurt by another, or gets bothered by something, we say, "Shake it off! You'll be ok!" Well, I do a lot of shimmying and shaking (don't try to visualize. It's not graceful.), but some days that just doesn't cut it. Some days go so horribly wrong that by the end of it you either have to laugh it off, or you'll end up being arrested.

       Raise your hand if you've ever made a bad decision! (Get that hand up. I know I'm not the only one.) Ok, now who has made a decision that wasn't necessarily bad, but wasn't really a wise one? Me too. When we moved into our home two years ago, I was in charge of purchasing a new set of couches. This was extremely exciting to me because for the past decade of raising toddlers we've only ever purchased cheap, brown, cold, yet wipeable, couches. I was so blinded by my own excitement that I ran out and bought beautiful, bright, cream colored couches! You can imagine my husband's reaction. I made sure to inform him of the Scotch Guard coating I had invested in. The couches arrived, and I stood there soaking in the glorious view. A few months in, and those couches still looked new! I was pretty proud. Then it happened. My oldest asked me to follow him into the living room. What I saw next was something I will never EVER forget. My wonderful and artistic toddler was standing proud as a peacock with outstretched arms announcing, "PURPLE!" My eyes fell on the PURPLE masterpiece. All the kids were standing in silence waiting to see if our family would lose one of its members that day.  I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was laughter! My children will never forget that day either because I'm pretty sure that reaction permanently stunned them. At that moment, my husband walked in the room. His response? "Wow, that's fantastic. (Insert sarcasm) Let's take it out to the road!"

He was so proud!

       That day I received an A+ in the art of "Laughing it off." Though I haven't mastered it, I did learn a lot that day. First, never buy another light colored couch EVER again because after children there are grandchildren. Two, always splurge for the Scotch Guard! Whatever you do, invest in the Scotch Guard! And three, the spirit of a child is ALWAYS more valuable than any piece of furniture, or any other pricey item will ever be. Of course I spoke with my toddler about keeping the markers on paper, but that day he wasn't the only one who benefited from a lesson in mercy. We were able to take a crazy moment, and turn it into a teachable one. That, in and of itself, was mercy from the Master! That could have been a less than proud parenting moment (Not that I don't have some of those!), but God gave me grace in the moment. Honestly, that's probably what happens in every moment when laughter is the only solution to a potential apocalypse.
       We all have days when we need to laugh off life. If you don't, then you should start a blog. I'd read it! Next time something, or someone, has got you ready to throw down, pause, and try, TRY to laugh it off. It just might be the difference between creating a memory, or starting a rap sheet. If that doesn't work there's always tissues and Ben & Jerry's! Try the laughing first though, because some things just don't deserve your tears, or anyone else's. As always, be strong, be bold, be you.

Until next time, Beautiful.

Thank God for washable markers AND SCOTCH GUARD!

Welcome To The Freak Show

     

       Welcome to my life. We aren't freaks by any means. We just fit the stereo type. Though we may, or may not, appear to live up to it on occasion. Sure, we have six kids. Sure, we homeschool. Why yes, my husband is a pastor. Yes, that giant green machine is our mode of transportation. BUT we have tattoos, listen to all kinds of music, do NOT make all of the females wear floor-length denim (not that there's anything wrong with that), and I promise we are super cool. At least I think we are.
       My husband and I never set out to have a large family. Heck, I didn't even want kids! However, over the course of the journey our lives took some twists and turns, and we are better for them. Many people have one or two children. That's a great sized family. If the couple is feeling adventurous they may take the leap for a third. How wonderful! Then you have the folks who must have had a wild hair, and now have four children. They have now crossed the line into LARGE FAMILY. Once you've crossed the line, what's one more? Now there're five. Five! That's a handful! (Like I haven't heard that one before.) However, every so often you meet the couples who must be on a different wave length entirely. The ones who must have just kind of "lost it." These are the couples who have six plus kids. They're just freaks. I mean, who in their right mind would actually have six kids?! On purpose! Maybe they don't know how that happens. Maybe they don't own a t.v. Maybe a couple of them popped out without them noticing. Who knows, but whatever it is, it's odd. At least to some.

My half dozen

       Every family should be proud of who they are collectively, and what they stand for. Just as each individual is unique, every family is unique. When you build a strong family around love and grace, it's amazing to see each person grow and own their part within the family unit. However, keep in mind that families, like people, also have ups and downs.
       Sometimes we might find ourselves observing another family thinking one of two things. One, "Why can't our family be more like that?" Or two, "OMG, I can't imagine having a family like that!" Both can potentially cause a breakdown within you, or your pack. Be watchful of that. Your family has been uniquely knitted together with specific individuals just as every other family. Get into your groove, and do the dang thing! Live life to the fullest, embrace your adventures, and build each other up! Just remember that other families might have a different groove going on, and that's ok. Build them up too!
       Our family may, at times, be a spectacle. I know that. That may, or may not have been one of mine rolling down the road on a skateboard, eating an apple, in the nude. I will neither confirm, or deny that. However, I know we have been called to be us; who God has created us to be. I love that! We teach our kids to take risks, strive for excellence (not perfection), love unconditionally, and give grace as we've been given grace. We are loud, adventurous, and a very silly bunch. (As long as no one messes with one of us. Then we are a pack of wolves.) God has taught us the value of people, love, kindness, respect, and grace through family. I encourage you to find your flow, throw your inhibitions to the wind, and let your freak flag fly! (In an appropriate sort of way. Don't get me in trouble!) Be proud of your family. If you come from a family who might have caused you harm, or maybe still does, I'm sorry. Keep moving forward, and hold onto hope for the future of a family of your own. You can still walk with your head held high knowing you are valuable. Embrace who you are being set apart to be. Oh, and if you ever see a kid on his skateboard, smile and wave. Who knows, it might be mine.

Until next time, Beautiful.

We make our couch look like a love seat!

Our "better" behavior

Oh. My. Demigoddess!

       Some women hold the title Domestic Goddess; some Total Goddess. I am NOT one of those women. I have tried to meet all the criteria in those job descriptions, and have fallen short in many categories. Some, however, I have conquered. When I was still tossing around the idea of this blog, a friend of mine asked if this would be a blog about food and crafts. I wanted the blog to succeed, which is why I have refrained from including such topics in my writing. If in the future I take ground in those areas I'll let you know. Until then, I will focus my efforts in other arenas.

       We are all great at something. Most likely you are great at many things. On the flip side, we all have our weaknesses. No matter how great we are at something, it's always the weakness that gets the attention. Why is that? It's as if there is something within us that says, "Yeah, I'm great at this, BUT I'm weak over here." We throw all of our energy into bettering our weakness while our greatness sits on the shelf. Part of being who we are is knowing who we aren't. There is strength in recognizing that! I can't be you, and you can't be me. We were never meant to be! (Pay no attention to the rhyming that just unintentionally took place.) God loves variety, which is why he didn't create a bunch of clones. Each of us have been purposefully created for a unique cause. We all have passions and desires that are paired with specific gifts and talents. So, let's use them!

"OMD!"

       I, for one, do not possess the art of sewing. Or cooking, or cleaning, or crafting, or organization. Note that I said "art". I can do all of these things, but none of these are my passions or strong suits. I love learning, creating, writing, music, singing, and I am good at these things. I love people, which works out because I have 6 little people running around me all day everyday, and they know they are loved and cherished. 

       What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What season are you in? Strengths may change with the season. Don't get frustrated with yourself if you were once fantastic at something, and now it just isn't working for you anymore. Find out what God has given you, and where He has placed you in this season. Own it. We aren't meant to do what we weren't created to do. When I find myself trying to keep up with Princess Pinterest, it drains the life out of me. That's an indication that I am trying to fill someone else's shoes. What is life-giving to you? Could that be something God has gifted you with to influence the world around you? Our gifts are to be used for a purpose greater than ourselves. How cool is that?! We each possess something, that when shared, can change the world!

       Whether you find a pen in your hand, or a baby on your hip, know that you have purpose, and the opportunity for greatness. Stand tall, and walk with confidence. Know that you are strong with weaknesses, NOT weak with strengths. We can't all be goddesses. So, for now, I'll settle for Demigoddess.

Until next time, Beautiful.

Searching For Substance

       It was a day like any other. I woke up, and began my daily routine. As I went about my day, the feeling that something was missing kept nagging me. I couldn't quite figure out what it was, until it hit me. It was ME! I was missing! In that moment, I realized that in the midst of the mundane, the free-spirited lady who laughed at everything, and who clumsily (and I do mean clumsily) danced through life was gone! What I did find was a woman that was great at getting up, and doing the "Mom thing", the "Wife thing", the "Homeschool thing", and any other list of things that needed to be done. Those things are great, but who was the woman behind the motions? I realized that morning that I had gotten so caught up in "doing" life, that I forgot about the "being" aspect of living. My search for substance was on!

       Maybe I'm the only one who has ever dealt with this, but I'm guessing not. Too often our identity gets wrapped up in our surroundings and/or tasks. Sometimes it seems to disappear entirely. Who we are begins to take a backseat to what we are, or what we want to become. The sexiest woman, the smartest woman, the independent woman, the perfect wife, the best mother, the funniest friend - these are just a few of the definitions we as women sometimes find ourselves wanting. Shoot! I want to be ALL of these things! (Come on, you know you do, too) None of which are bad, however the depth of our identity needs to run deeper than abstract definitions. We NEED to have substance. Who we are needs to be absolute. It is what grounds us when what we are changes. When our beauty fades, our jokes fall flat, or our failures seem to outshine our victories, who we are is what's left.

       Our creator is very specific about who He's created us to be. He has knitted us together with intent and purpose placing potential for greatness within each of us. (More on that next week!) When we are secure in who we are, we can approach what we were created to do with confidence. Your favorites, hobbies, interests, and career choices are preferences that make you unique. It's who you are that threads those things together forming strength and character. There is a beauty that emerges when the one who defines you is the One who designed you. Ladies, let's be known for such strength and beauty! Let's let go of what we think we should be, and grab hold of who we are meant to be. 

         I now know who I am. I am loved, I am redeemed; I am His. That fierce and free-spirited woman was never "gone." I had just simply misplaced her. It happens. If you feel as if you've been temporarily misplaced, keep searching; keep praying. You'll find her. She's in there. May we know who we are, be the women we were intended to be, and succeed in all we are meant to do!

Until next time, Beautiful.

*UPDATE*

She's back...

And clumsier than ever!

Wound Tight

       There are warriors, and there are worriers. I want to be known as a warrior. As women, we care deeply and love fiercely. God created both man and woman intricately forming them with their own strengths. I mean, let’s face it, women aren’t wimps! We endure physical and emotional feats daily, and just keep rockin' it! Our maker has placed a fire within us, but unfortunately we sometimes use that flame to fuel our worry. If we aren’t careful we can go from warrior to worrier in a minute flat leaving us “wound tight."

Toddler-attacked toilet paper

       When a woman is wound tight, it overflows until pretty soon everyone around her knows it. At least when this woman is wound tight. My kids know it, my husband, bless his heart, definitely knows it, and sometimes even the poor neighbors know it. It’s not pretty! But how do we get that way? How do we get so wound up that we don’t even recognize ourselves? God made us warriors, but we run around being worriers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about concern. Concern is necessary. Concern is an awareness that spurs on action, and brings about change. Worry is not. Worry is an emotional REaction that produces no positive outcome. There’s a difference. 

       There are numerous things that cause us to cave into worry. We worry if we will ever find a mate. Once we find a mate, we worry we will never reach our “ever after” status. Will we ever get promoted in our careers? Will we ever have children? If we have children, will something happen to them? Finances? Retirement? The list could go on FOREVER! I can work myself up over a “what if” scenario, and be crying tears of worry in minutes! Over a made up occurrence! (You know you’ve done it too, so don’t judge.) Let’s just stop right there.

       The antidote to worry is trust. If you find yourself wound tight, and don’t know how to unwind, begin to trust. It’s simple, but it’s not easy. I'm not saying that action has no part to play. It does. Though sometimes we need to take action in an area, it's trust that will resolve our inward reaction to any situation or circumstance. Ultimately, we need to place our trust in God. We need to trust Him with our future, with our relationships, our finances, with our children, and with their futures. He knows the desires of our hearts, and wants His best for our lives and the lives of those we love. 

       We were made to do great things, but worrying wasn’t one of them. I still occasionally get wound tight, but I choose to wake up every morning a warrior. I know who I am, and though I may not know every detail of my future, I know who does. When you feel like worry is trying to grab hold, defeat it with trust. Live your life with confidence because you know He holds your future as well. You are fierce, you are strong, and you are a warrior. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you differently.

Until next time, Beautiful.

       

Just Keep Sipping...

            Dory says, "Just keep swimming." I hate swimming. I hate water. I hate things that swim in the water. In fact, if Dory wasn't so stinking cute I'd probably dislike her too. However, I DO love sipping. Coffee primarily. So, I say, "Just keep sipping." (You may insert drink of choice if you don't like coffee. I don't have the time to try to understand why that is.)

       There are two reasons you will almost always find me with a mug of coffee in hand. First, I love coffee. LOVE it. Second, is the pause. For example, if I am about to blurt something out I shouldn't, I take a sip of coffee. If I need a "come to Jesus" moment before addressing the kiddos, I take a sip of coffee. If I'm processing a situation or decision, I take a sip of coffee. I’m not saying that I’m addicted to coffee. (Although, I might be.) What I am saying is that I am drawn to what happens during the pause. It's in the pausing that I am able to take a much needed breath, reflect, and grab hold of peace.  
       Life can be crazy, and at times, chaotic. I love our life! It is a loud environment with 6 kids living and learning all around. You can imagine how often I have to pause in a day! However, it's the peace that we need to pursue in the pause that is key. Peace isn’t the absence of chaos, but the ability to maintain a calmness on the inside. Notice I didn't say outside! We should aim for an outward expression of an inward experience, but that doesn't always happen. Do you know what does happen? My face goes rogue, and betrays my brain! I don't know if this happens to you, but the outward expression often reflects the inward "What the...!" Some of you may have seen this face. For that, I'm sorry. I'm working on that. (Another reason to just keep sipping!) 
       Peace is important. Peace helps sustain us in the midst of madness; it can help release the grip of worry, and it can also help pave the way for joy in less than joyful circumstances. It's obvious that I enjoy coffee, but it’s the pause that it forces me to take that I really love. The peace, I had to learn to tap into. I'm still learning! Coffee doesn't bring the peace, only the pause. God is who brings the peace. After all, He IS peace. 

       We all know what it feels like to be swept away by chaos, worry, discontentment, grief, unforgiveness or even fear. It's awful! All of these are thieves of peace. Storms and challenges are inevitable and unavoidable. So, how great would it be to be able to navigate through those seasons with confidence, courage, and grace?! Regardless of what wave you're riding, seek out peace. It may be that peace lies just on the other side of the storm, so hang in there. Life is an incredible journey with high points, and low. So, breathe deep, shine bright, and if you like coffee, just keep sipping!

Until next time, Beautiful.

Love me some lattes!

 London Fog and my man.

(I do sometimes reach for tea. Don't tell coffee.)

Long For The Future, Love In The Present

       I sweep and vacuum a lot. No, I mean, like three to four times a day. Sometimes less, sometimes more, it depends. The reason is twofold. One, I hate littered floors - crumbs, leaves, uneaten apples, crusts from sandwiches (because apparently the crust will kill children if they eat it), whatever, I hate seeing them, and hate feeling them underfoot. Second, we have 12 little hands grabbing food to put into 6 mouths to fill stomachs that know no end. Yes, we have allotted meal times, but I feed them more than once a day, so we spill more than once a day. Hence, the multiple sweeping. One day, I was performing said sweeping, and I was over it. I began to dream a little dream that went a little like this:

       I look forward to the day where there's no pizza smushed into the carpet. Where there is no food smeared on the walls as I play the "WTH Is That?" game. When Legos aren’t scattered about like confetti in Time Square on the first. Days I won’t run around holding back swears because the pain of stepping on a Lego can be worse than childbirth. When the spills, stains and mysterious artwork on the walls disappear. Ahhh, yes, that will be a good day. I will have clean carpets, counters, and couches. I will have grownup decor! I will be able to cook from a love for food rather than cater a crowd for survival. That will be the day! 

       Then as I continued to sweep crumbs, and whatever else, I noticed I had swept up some legos (which I didn’t mind because we have four billion of them), and also noticed a piece of paper that had made it into the dustpan as well. As I read the words scribbled on the paper, the dream that was playing out in my head suddenly took a turn down KillJoy St. I suddenly realized what my picture perfect home will mean.

       The day my dream of nicer things becomes reality, is the same day when the giggles cease, running into mommy's arms is no longer their favorite game, and the love notes littering my kitchen floor no longer exist. The morning I come downstairs, and my house looks like a photo from Better Homes and Gardens is also the day that Goodnight Moon gets packed away. Oh, how I will wake up dancing the morning after I get a full night’s rest, but that also means that I will no longer be going in and hushing the children from their midnight conversations, or comforting a little one from a nightmare, or saying prayers with the children I have the honor of raising. 

       The picture perfect home and the restful nights will come with time, I know that, and look forward to that. However, I also know, that the very same day those dreams come true, I will long for yesterday. So, while I am drinking the same cup of coffee that I have reheated 142 times, and sweeping up crumbs and cookies mixed with Legos and love notes, I will constantly be reminding myself of how blessed I am to have a home to sweep, crumbs to clean, and love notes to gather. 
       We all long for the future. It might be better jobs, better homes, or even better lives. Let us be reminded as we long for our future, to love in the present. It's what we do in the present that helps shape our future. So, may we recognize our blessings, live and love well in our longing, and have few regrets in the years to come!

Until next time, Beautiful.

Bestie-Less

        First, I will start out by speaking some truth. Ladies, we are amazing creatures! We can multitask like nobody's business, love some kind of fierce, change our minds on a dime, mother anything that moves, and most importantly, make leggings and yoga pants look GOOD! However, somehow with all this awesome in one package, we sometimes find it hard to make friends. I know, I know, it's crazy, but making girlfriends can be harder than finding a mate! Forget about mommy friends, and couples friends. Maybe it's because one room couldn't possibly contain all that awesomeness, BUT maybe it's something else. 
        Besties can be the greatest people on the planet. They are the sugar to your spice, the sweet to your sour, and the mayo to your mustard. (I probably should refrain from writing when I'm hungry.) Moving on from food analogies. A friend can calm you down, and hype you up. They can speak frankly, yet do so in a way that is accepted. They point you towards greatness, and cheer you on to success. Though, have you ever been in a season that seems as if you are Bestie-less? 

I'm not implying that your bestie is no longer, or that you are a hermit with no friends. I am saying that maybe you are in different seasons, or maybe busy with life, and lack the time to catch up. I have a BFF that has been in my life since we were five. FIVE!!!!! I can call her no matter what. Yet, I’ve still gone through seasons where I feel lonely and distant. I have often wondered what was wrong with me, or at times with everyone else because I'm usually pretty awesome! Kidding! (Kind of.) However, in those seasons, no matter how hard I try to push into relationships they seem to come back void. Why?

 Sometimes there are obvious reasons, or, sometimes the relationship isn’t healthy to continue, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I am talking about times when all is well, but you still can’t seem to connect. I have found that in these spells of feeling friendless, I haven't stumbled into that season, but have been placed there. If we just stop and reflect in those dry seasons we will often times find that God is gently calling us to pursue Him more passionately, read His word more frequently, and “befriend” Him more purposefully. These times aren’t always easy, but if we press in instead of stress out during our friendship droughts, we will find a strengthening in our relationship with God, and shortly thereafter, an outpouring of friendship in which we have something to offer. 
           You are amazing. So, whether your friendships are plenty, or you find yourself seeking more, be aware of your purpose in this season. Be your own kind of awesome!

Until next time, Beautiful.